Surfing in Australia, contrary to popular belief is not a way of life, but is very prevalent and highly addictive.
The misconception that everyone over the age of 5 in Australia surfs is similar to the myth that all Canadians play hockey in the NHL. In fact, the reality is somewhere between the Western Canadian experience of playing hockey and riding horses. Not everyone plays hockey, but knows what you’re talking about, but everyone can ride a horse, just ask. So as a result, there are some massive Aussie surfers that take on the most extreme conditions and those who merely stand on 1-foot washout (the white water after the wave has collapsed).
An example of the high end of the spectrum is Mark Visser; a good Queensland lad that has commenced an extreme sport campaign, aptly named “9 Lives”. The first stop on the campaign was “Jaws” the massive 20-30 foot wave that has made the North Shore of Hawaii legendary. So what? A 20-30 foot wave is baby stuff in the extreme sport realm, and even Mr Visser has surfed larger. Right. Visser has now surfed Jaws at night. The video has to be seen to be fully appreciated. www.markvisser.net
“9 Lives”? Maybe, more likely is that Satan is just shaking his head whilst scratching Cerberus behind the ear; “Look, we just can’t have that guy down here. He’ll pull the dammed place apart. Then what am I going to do? All the good designers are so expensive….grumble, grumble. The bottom line is I just can’t afford to have that guy die, the people that he’s going to inspire to do other stupid stuff that they just can’t land, is going to be my stock and trade.”
It should be expected that surfing has its own culture and vibe. Much like when I arrived in Brisbane and was told “Oh cool, you’re Canadian! I speak Canadian! That’s super fantastic awesome dude!” “Ah, is that a joke” was my incredulous response. “No, no mate, when I was in Canada the snowboarders all said that. Don’t you say that too?” Right, there is only one guy that I went to law school that might have a sniff at what she was talking about. “Ah, no, ‘snowboarder’ isn’t one of Canada’s official languages; although as of the last census snowboarders outnumber the Quebecois. There was talk about adding it as a language, but you have this whole Constitutional amendment thing and then you need a quorum of snowboarders and well that’s not going to happen.” “Ok, mate, you’ll be ‘right; Aussies love accents.” “Yeah, I suppose that’s right, and why you all have them.”
Ah, the sound of silence. Like the recent conversations between Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel - sound of silence.
The fact is that surfing has left an indelible mark on Aussie culture. In Canada when Stockwell Day made the headlines by riding a jet ski he was a joke. Conversely, politicians here surf, not only is it no big deal, it’s expected. Like Stephen Harper speaking French. Tragically, there have been consequences for the political landscape like when Prime Minister Harold Holt drowned in 1967, although it is unclear if he was surfing or not. (see: http://www.naa.gov.au/collection/explore/prime-ministers/holt.aspx or for a conspiracy theory version - http://www.harold-holt.net) Part of the immense impact that surfing has had on the Australian political landscape was the selection of the national capital, Canberra.
It is well documented that there was considerable jostling for the selection of either Sydney or Melbourne to be nominated as the capital (much like Quebec City and Toronto in Canada) but what isn’t particularly well recorded is the overriding reason why Canberra ultimately prevailed. Ostensibly, an inland location that lacked significant infrastructure at the time (and continues to be wanting for a decent airport) makes no sense whatsoever to a nation that is predominately located along the coasts. However, what the politicians found was that the parliamentary processes were bogged down by debates being scheduled around the tides. Thus Canberra was the perfect solution. (In fact this Blog may be the only source of such information.) (As an aside, Canberra is a neat place to visit with tonnes of public art and large parks and open spaces. The airport does need some help though.)
All the same, the surf culture is a diverse as you might imagine with surf gangs of Sydney that are rough and tumble to yoga surf mom groups that meet for morning yoga and then catching a few waves whilst the kids play on the beach with dad. Something on for everyone really. www.Surfingmoms.com
Similar to the Canadian Ski Patrol, the Australians have a national Life Guard system that patrols the coast. The “Patrol” has a variety of resources at its disposal including quads, trucks, and radio communication to helicopters and fixed wing aircraft, local police etc. As surprising as it might be, the Aussies have a slang term for Life Guards, who are affectionately known as “Nippers” for their ability to “nip” out and save people. http://www.beachsafe.org.au/
The positions on the Patrol are coveted, as you might imagine and there is even a program called “Little Nippers” for kids aged 8 and older to hone their “skills” to become “Nippers” one day or at least be extremely proficient in and around the water. There is really no losing with either outcome.
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| Bondi Beach - one of Australia's busiest |
The Patrol’s presence on the beach is amazing. They post different flags and signs for different types of zone or conditions. You can hear warnings over the loud speakers for the inevitable person or two that disregards whatever direction and then at the end of the day, they disappear without leaving much more than tire tracks on the sand. When you think of a beach like Bondi in Sydney that is famous for it’s proximity to the city and receives hundreds of visitors daily, many of them sunburnt tourists, the role that the Nippers play is impressive.
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| Backpackers Express - Eat an extra meat pie, it's a long way to Tassie |
To give you a sense of the conditions of Bondi, it is located within 7 km of the Sydney CBD and has a public bus arriving every 10 minuets or so, but only 250 parking spots. This creates a scenario where tourists arrive in Sydney, usually jet lagged or intoxicated (or both), get on a bus and jump out on to the beach. Since you’re already feeling lousy and it’s hot you may as well go into the water. Great idea, maybe you should get a greasy pie first. So you stagger from the bus stop, unable to speak the local language (because Aussies actually go to other beaches) shedding your clothes down to your bathing suit (“swimmers”, “toggs” or in the case of a Speedo style garment “Budgie Smugglers”) and cool yourself in the refreshing waters of the Tasman Sea. What people don’t think about is that they are testing out the “Backpacker’s Express”, a riptide (“rip”) that is a class 7 hazard (out of 10; hanging out with Mark Visser is a 8) that is aptly named as it is right by the bus stop that pours tourists out onto the beach.
http://beachsafe.org.au/beach/nsw320
When interviewed about moving the bus stop, the Superintendent stated, “Yeah, well you know mate, we’ve had lots of discussion about Backpacker’s and ultimately the Minister of Tourism decided that Bondi is really crowded, but Hobart is virtually empty. This crowding makes the beach less enjoyable and harder to manage for the Nippers. By leaving the stop where it is, those people that can’t walk the extra 700m to safer waters get a trip to Tassie (Tasmania) at no cost on the back of Mother Nature. It’s really an added value…” It is worth noting that Tasmania is supposed to be beautiful with large wooded parks, rivers, waterfalls and a variety of beaches. Tassie is sort of a mash up of all the Canadian National Parks but warmer weather, notwithstanding how cold the Aussies claim it to be. “You know mate it can snow there.” Yeah, I know, and I can go to med school and become a brain surgeon. (This is especially true if you can find a university where admission requirements aren’t particularly demanding.) All the same, being washed to shore on Tassie after being open water for 200km might not be the desired way to go, especially since without being an expert on currents (or a brain surgeon) it would appear that you’d end up in New Zealand and not Tassie. (See: http://www.redmap.org.au/resources/tasmanian-marine-environment/currents/ and http://www.auinfo.com/Tasmania.htm)
Surfers are a breed apart. When I refer to “surfers”, I mean that’s all they do. Not veterinarians, nurses or restaurateurs who also surf, but have day jobs. Fortunatley they're not all like Jeff Spicoli. These people work the surf schools, the shops and the tours, but typically stay close to the waves and choose to travel to places where the waves are epic. Even those who aren't fortunate enough to make surfing their way of life can spend considerable energy arranging their worlds around surfing. In fact, the Australia Lawyers Surfing Association has been organized in the model of many professional organizations with a pro bono publico mandate. The altruism spans any number of issues including involved in the surfing community and other groups interested in matters concerning the ocean and its environment. Further, ALSA conducts seminars relevant to surfing based legal issues on an irregular basis. That’s right, even lawyers, once bitten by the surfing bug, lose their desire for rigor, structure, organization and scheduling in favour of catching some waves. So “No m’Lord I have nothing further today and respectfully suggest that we recess until morning when I may continue with my examination in chief of my next witness” is really translated into, “Yeah, sure mate, tides are looking like we’ll get some good sets this arvo, let’s call the lads up, catch sick waves and then see if we can get a quorum while I toss some snags (sausages) on the Barby.”
While it sounds like a joke, consider the following: a) very few lawyers are actually funny; b) ALSA holds an annual conference in which participants exchange papers and present various legal commentaries, relevant to the environment; oceans; water law; surfing; insurance; surfing related business, marketing, and competitions; sponsorship; c) as with most annual conferences the ALSA organizes are eligible to satisfy ongoing Continuing Legal Education requirements; d) the ALSA poverty reduction projects have a distinct “surf destination” focus, and we know that lawyers don’t believe in coincidence, and e) the 2011 annual conference is to be held between 17 and 28 August in “…Sumatra’s beautiful Telo Islands during its prime time swell season.” www.resortlatitudezero.com
Ah, yes, altruism really can be a two-way street. A “professional retreat” lasting 11 days retreat in paradise with surf boards, whilst bagging “sick sets” and CLE points.
It’s fair to be sceptical. Go ahead, tell me I’m wrong.
We’ve been trying out hand at surfing and finding it highly addictive and difficult. Admittedly Nicole is further along with it and doing awesome. Notwithstanding that I skied as a kid, I’m not finding it as easy and I can’t be sure that even snowboarding would be a good help. Unlike alpine sports, where the fall line (the natural path down a slope that gravity would draw an object down an incline) is the fundamentally static, surfing relies upon a “glide zone” that is dynamic. The relation between the skier and the fall line and the surfer and the glide zone is similar, but because the wave is breaking (usually in two directions – one closing in on the beach and then the other either left or right) you have to chase the glide zone. When you’re out of glide zone, without enough speed your board lacks sufficient buoyancy and you sink. So from my athletic experiences it seems to be similar to skiing for having to balance and control energy and speed through a relationship with the fall line and like cycling on the velodrome where if you fall below a certain speed the force of gravity eclipses your centrifugal forces and you fall. While this may not be “real” physics it hopefully serves to illustrate. Although I should be able to convince you not to accept anything I say about physics with my high school transcript and scars from track based “road rash”; I do know about falling so you can take my work on that part.
Actually riding a horse is really like surfing. It’s pretty easy to get on, but then hard to stay up and once you fall you know you’re going to get the snot kicked out of you. I’d like to say that surfing smells better than a stable, but unfortunately not always and certainly not the day’s wet clothes and sand that have been baked in the back of the car at 34•C.
Test: (told you)
1. Surfing is:
a. Compulsorily for all Australians over the age of 8;
b. Compulsorily for all Australians over the age of 5;
c. Easy;
d. Hard but fun; or
e. For stoners.
2. Surf instructors are:
a. Reliable;
b. Highly trained professionals;
c. Lucid;
d. Expert water men (or women) and generally fun to be around; or
e. None of the above
3. A rip is:
a. A tear in your “boardies” or “swimming togs”;
b. A cut or gash on a limb from the fin of your surf board;
c. Loud flatulence;
d. A dangerous water condition in which draws a strong current away from the beach; or
e. High price for a surf board rental.
4. You should nod and smile at a surfer when they:
a. Tell you a story;
b. Say “ripping sets out there, breaking hard and sweeping backside”;
c. Make any comment whatsoever about the water, surf boards, travel, sand, sun, sun protection;
d. Any of the above; or
e. Ask to borrow money.
5. You should not nod and smile at a surfer when they:
a. Tell you a story;
b. Say “ripping sets out there, breaking hard and sweeping backside”;
c. Guarantee anything;
d. Ask to borrow money; or
e. Make any comment whatsoever about the water, surf boards, travel, sand, sun, sun protection.
6. When an alarm goes off in the morning waking up a surfer:
a. It was set by accident;
b. It was set by someone who actually owns the place that they happen to be sleeping at;
c. They have fastidiously poured over tide charts, weather conditions, maps to the beach, and in order to get to the beach at the optimal time to surf, factoring in time to stop for food, coffee, getting fuel, getting lost, more coffee, picking up mates, even more coffee and waxing their boards;
d. A and b not c; or
e. All of the above
7. Surfers are skinny and wiry because:
a. They would rather spend money on surf gear than food;
b. They would rather spend money on gas to go surfing than food;
c. Surfing is hard work so it makes them fit;
d. All of the above; or
e. They are personal trainers and fitness junkies.
8. Nippers are:
a. A light appetizer served at classy surf parties;
b. A mean dog that guards a surf van (aussie: caravan);
c. Slang (isn’t everything slang here?) for a closet drinker;
d. Slang for Lifeguard; or
e. What was the question again mate?
9. Mark Visser:
a. Is a hardcore scary %ucking dude, dude;
b. Has a pet shark named “Jaws”;
c. Scares the bejeusus out of Satan;
d. A, C, and E
e. Is an extreme sportsman from Queensland who is not likely to become a pensioner, unless he continues to terrify Satan.
10. A surfer’s guarantee:
a. Isn’t enforceable;
b. Isn’t worth the board wax found under your toenails;
c. Has never been judicially considered ;or
d. All of the above.
Answer Key:
1:D; 2:D; 3:D; 4:D; 5:D; 6:D (E is a logical impossibility – dude.); 7:D; 8:D; 9:D; 10:D
Scoring:
>4 = Maaaaaate / Duuuuude (raised inflection at end)
3 = Maaate / Duuuude (flat inflection)
2 = Maate / Duude (falling inflection at end)
1 = Mate / Dude (falling inflection at end, with sideways shaking of head)
0 = (silent with sideways shaking of head)
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